G4alien's 365 & 1/4 的生活空間

Last Sunday afternoon, I had a very relaxing afternoon in the cafe shop in town. I picked up a very good view to sit and spent several hours thinking of my thesis planning and the ideas of future plan. I enjoyed my white chocolate cafe moca and cherished the moment I could have.

It was really luxury for me to have several hours off working and be away from my computer. Writing daily almost drives me insane. Gladly I am making progress and it seems my thesis could be possibly completed by the end of March. Organising 9 chapters thesis is really a big task to achieve. Yet, I shouldn't complain much about the work. After all, I have found something speical from the data and have already finished the most difficult chapters (quantitative and qualitative chapters). I am so blessed to have a supportive boss to supervise my work.

Since I start reading and searching the information about methodology and some philosophy theory to support my research design. I am very surprised to discover part of my character, which leads me to do this research and the methodology design on my research. My boss and I ever discussed what kind of methodology I am currently using. I was suggested as a positivist and the methodology is more about critical realism (combining the element of positivist and constructivist) due to the ontological and epistemological stand.

I have been an an existentialist. I read a lot of philosophy in logics and existence, which was developed in post-modernism era when I was a teenager. I started discovering who I am when I was aware of the identity of "I" and also tried to understand what supports me or what's the motivation in life to keep me active and being alive. I seem to figure out some ideas of who I am when I was 17-19, which could be considered a bitterness age so far.

I questioned so much in life and tried to convince myself to be part of life. Well, maybe I was kind of anti-social person. Yet, when I was approaching 20, I began to discover life sparkle and reduced my hatred toward life. I stopped the thought of suicide when I was 25 and really tried to feel "the moment" in life. I may say that I felt re-born when I was 25 and eventaully realise that I can't change my past but I could create my own future without being controlled by my past hatred. I would not say I forgive what happened nor forget what occurred to me. I can't change my past but I tried to accept what happened to me. At least, I set myself free to embrace my new life.

Well, this article is just a piece of writing to record my feelings and celebrate the moment I have. I am so delightful to say, "I am free from my past eventually."