G4alien's 365 & 1/4 的生活空間

This week I have been working on my discussion chapter AGAIN after 3 months later. It was a nightmare in writing this chapter, which took me so much brain power and made me wonder whether I am a moron or not. I decided to rewrite my discussion chapter after my literature review month since I found there are many interesting points to discuss. I am also aware that I am capable of using counterpoint to make points of my research value and the findings to implementation. After writing my first section to reflect my first research objective, I honestly have to say that I enjoyed the process although I often end up nodding my head. This process is still taking much of my brain power and exhausts me somehow. At least, when I review the current section I just finished, I notice it turned out to be more interesting and organized. I definitely learned something from writing my literature review.

Although many of my colleagues told me that the chapter of literature review is the most easy process since we all have been suffering from data collection (I called it a “begging” process－asking all kinds of friends for help; especially I collected 3 kinds of data) and data analysis process of both qualitative and quantitative methodologies (I called it a “torturing” process－transcribing, finding patterns, learning analysis programs and statistics). Eventually I am at the stage of “writing”, or I should specify, “the last stage of writing”. This process is considering the most uninspiring process and I have to whip up myself to feel motivated. However, before entering this “writing stage”, I have been looking forward to starting this stage because it implies that my collected data is valid and my data analysis is significant. When doing my data analysis, I was in a great fear that whether the data would turn out to be rubbish, wasting my time. Meanwhile, I have to do a lot of reading during data analysis to see whether the results are reasonable. (I should feel ashamed of myself since I was bit lazy in doing my literature review.) After having the results from both of my qualitative and quantitative data analysis, I was quite concerned whether the results were not compatible and what I should do if the results were opposite. Although qualitative and quantitative data analysis do not guarantee a common result due to different research methodologies, it would be a disaster if the results are contradictory, implying either I have to find out the problem; e.g. findings another pattern, changing another analysis formula or the worst－collecting data again. I panicked immediately whenever I was thinking about re-collecting data which implies that it would take another year minimum.

Now I am writing and modifying at the same time. It is certainly not a joyful process, but it is more like a peaceful process that I learned to think and interpret objectively and logically. Yet, it is quite difficult to remain calm all the time and keep my mind on writing over 2 hours. I often become sleepy after 2 hours writing and spend 2-3 hours watching soaps to cheer up. It is bit like a struggling cycle being on and off. The pressure I have is more about facing the deadline. I set up my target to finish each chapter in one month. Writing my literature review chapter was especially stressful when the data findings suggested me lacking of much knowledge in related literature (I read much of computer-media communication, teamwork and methodology, but I read little about conflict management). Reading is no longer a difficult thing but fining related literature is difficult since there is little literature review in conflict management strategies.

Anyway, I tried to write some interesting points in conflict types and conflict behaviour in virtual teamwork and so far, I finished the chapter of literature review and hope my supervisor will not ask me to add more about it (Geeee, I will see him next week). The current plan is to finish discussion chapter by the end of this month and start the introduction chapter and modifying the data findings’ chapters. It will not be much fun but I can not wait to finish it and have a month holiday for myself. I do not have any holiday over 2 years and am feeling smothered. My last summer time suffered from bipolar disorder and so badly thought of doing crazy things; e.g. jumping on the roof, hitting my smoking flat mate, packing up my stuff going back Taiwan. Now I have a contrasting feeling and feel more like a positive person again (talking about this, I have to thank Karen to help me out of daily sleeping torture). I am looking forward to finishing it and then, HOLIDAY, HOLIDAY and HOLIDAY, which is all I need for my efforts. I think I am so desperate for holidays and unwind myself.